It's your life, whatcha gonna do? The world is watching you.

So- I decided to start this blog after getting a pretty good response from my other one, and especially since its demise, and the fact that I now have a lot of new time on my hands, that I would start a blog about starting from scratch in the coming year.  God has done amazing work in my life within the last few weeks, and I can't wait to see where it goes.

For those of you who followed my previous blog, or stalk me on Facebook, many of you probably not know much of the details of the events that transpired about three weeks ago.  I am finally ready to break my silence, and I will not release full details (some things are just meant to be between the people involved), I will give a brief explanation of what has gone on in my life.

Over the last several months, I have experienced many stressful things.  I was trying to plan a wedding by myself, I was taking four classes, doing an internship where I was averaging about 30-35 hours a week, working two part time jobs, and also trying to juggle my responsibilities at church as far as leading worship on Sunday mornings and Tuesday nights, have a relationship with my fiance, and also one with God.  I don't know if you realize how much work that truly is, but let me just tell you- I was very exhausted and stressed.  The only person I felt I could talk to was Dan, but seeing as how he had other things in his life stressing him out, it became very hard for the two of us to communicate.  As time progressed, my time with Dan decreased, especially as he joined a band that demanded a lot of his time.  I was unhappy with this because I knew what little time we had left for each other was now almost nonexistent.  Dan was also unhappy because I never had time to spend with him either, and that unhappiness lead to a lot of arguments about priorities and our lives.  I prayed that God would bring some light onto the situation and let me see what He wanted out of this, and that I would be able to make the right decision.

So one Tuesday night, when we were supposed when The Cross (our college Bible study group) was supposed to meet, no one showed up except for Dan, me, Andy (other guitarist in the Cross band) and Ron (our pastor over the college ministry).  So, in true Ron-fashion, he suggest we all head to Starbucks.  Dan had made other plans, but so the rest of us headed to Starbucks, later to be joined by another regular from our group, but that was it.  That night I spent a lot time talking with the two of them about things that had happened recently, words that were said, our fights, and my general doubts I had been having over the last few months.  In talking to them, I realized it would be a good idea to discuss this with Dan and come to a point of clarity- as it seemed our lives were headed in different directions.  So after I left Starbucks, I met with Dan and we discussed our lives and what we wanted from our future and also what we wanted in marriage.  The more we talked, the more we realized that we were not the same people who had gotten engaged 8 months ago, and that what we wanted were not the same things, and were not things we could make work.  So, mutually, we agreed that it would be best to end our relationship, before we hurt each other anymore than we were currently doing. 

While that was the hardest decision I have ever had to make, God has continually been blessing me since that point.  I have received encouragement from people I didn't even know was aware of the situation, people I had no idea held me in such regard texted me and said they were so proud of how brave I was and the spiritual courage it took to make that jump.  Not saying, there were not days when I didn't want to drag myself out of bed, but knowing that there are people who were there praying for me, supporting me, and loving me even all the way back home in Illinois made everyday a little easier. There were two songs that helped me realize that God was with me through it all, and that He was gonna take care of me, one was by Francesca Battistelli called "It's Your Life" and the other was by Josh Wilson entitled "Before the Morning." GREAT songs and musicians by the way- if you are looking for some new contemporary Christian artists.

Now- I am looking to 2010 to see what God has planned for me here in Florida.  The more I have prayed and drawn closer to God through this whole situation, I know that God has big plans for me here!  Keep me in your prayers and I'll be sure to keep you all updated on my newly found excitement as God does great things in my life and hopefully in yours too!!  As one of my favorite lyrics from Ms. Battistelli's songs says, "To live the way that you believe, this is your opportunity to let your life be the one that lights the way."  Don't be afraid to let your life be one that lights the way for others to know Christ! :)

Much love to all of you!
Dena